By Dr Rajesh K Pillania
The need and importance of happiness are so great that one needs to find different ways to achieve it and experiment with techniques to find which one works for oneself. In this article, we discuss one very important technique for happiness: self-talk.
Human beings spend a lot of time with themselves and in their minds. We spend a lot of time talking to ourselves, so self-talk is an important tool that can help our happiness.
To understand oneself, one can do a simple exercise: observe oneself to see what kind of self-talk they engage in. There are two extreme possibilities. On one extreme, some people are constantly finding fault with themselves, are full of regret or guilt, and are constantly engaging in negative self-talk, including self-criticism, holding themselves to blame for things they were not responsible for, and having low self-worth and self-confidence. They find themselves responsible for so many negative or wrong things and suffer a lot of unhappiness. Unfortunately, some of them even start being ok with it and do not even try to get out of it.
On the other extreme, some people focus on the positive aspects of what they are doing, recognise the good things about themselves, praise and appreciate themselves, and engage in positive, supportive self-talk. Some extremists take it to their heads, become arrogant and narcissistic.
The remaining ones fall in between these two. Neither of these extremes is conducive to a balanced, happy life, as both approaches have serious problems. One should avoid both these extreme self talks.
It is important to have a balanced self-talk in which one is aware of one’s shortcomings and weaknesses and willing to accept them, as we are just human and humans do have shortcomings. Once we accept our shortcomings, we can also make efforts to improve. Also, one needs to know what one is good at, but not go overboard on this and become arrogant. So, balanced self-talk is good for happiness.
The steps one needs to take are: first, analyse the kind of self-talk one is engaged in; second, determine whether it is balanced; third, if it is not balanced, try to make it balanced. Multiple research studies have shown the positive impact of balanced and positive self talk on stress management, mental health, and emotional regulation.
By consciously making efforts to create balanced self-talk and maintaining an overall positive, supportive, and kind orientation, one can build happiness in life. Why wait, start taking small steps on the happiness journey from today, from now, to live a better , more fulfilling and happier life.
(The writer is a Professor at the Management Development Institute, Gurgaon. He is popularly known as India’s Happiness Professor and India’s Happiness Guru)
