In the yore, men ventured far and wide, exploring the expanse of their surroundings, while women, children, and elders remained within the confines of their homes, shielded from potential threats. In ordinary circumstances, men and women were drawn to each other, their interactions guided by their will and desires. Typically, it was the man who initiated courtship, though occasionally women also took the lead. However, instances arose where men, if rebuffed, resorted to using force, violating the sanctity of women. These occurrences led to the establishment of social norms, forming the basis of customary law.
In this context, men often enjoyed greater freedom in pursuing relationships, while women were protected from unwanted advances. However, both genders were subject to the dictates of societal expectations. Despite this, many men engaged in polygamous relationships, while women adhered to the values of family honour and social decorum.
In Khasi society, men were often referred to as ‘man of twelve flags’ (Rang Khatar Lama) or ‘man of twelve strengths,’ (Rang Khatar Bor) symbolising their ability to wield power and have multiple spouses. Conversely, women were described as ‘lady of one voice’ (Thei Shi Sur) or ‘lady of single strength,’ (Thei Shi Bor) highlighting their lack of agency, with their destiny often determined by their maternal relatives.
While these customs may seem discriminatory, they are rooted in universal perceptions of femininity and masculinity, where beauty and modesty are cherished qualities in women, while strength and assertiveness define men. Despite these norms, societal values and compassion restrain immoral behaviour that could harm individuals.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that men are more inclined towards polygamy or extramarital relationships, though individual behaviour varies. Similarly, the matrilineal system has endured despite challenges, adapting to contemporary circumstances while preserving its essence. Khasi customary practices are not rigid traditions but dynamic methods capable of navigating changing times, which is why they have stood the test of time.
THE CHALLENGES CONFRONTING THE MATRILINEAL SYSTEM
The evolution of family dynamics, shifting from the traditional matrilineal structure to the Christianised patriarchal model, has been relatively smooth in Khasi society, despite the continued existence of the matrilineal system. The modern family framework aligns well with the matrilineal system, as the authority of the maternal uncle persists as long as he fulfills his responsibilities within the maternal family, with his sisters still relying on him for domestic affairs.
However, misinterpretations of Khasi customary laws by British colonial rulers have opened the door for external interference in Khasi family matters, particularly when the youngest sister marries outside the community. Custodianship of family properties, traditionally held by the eldest uncle, has been misconstrued as sole inheritance by the youngest sister under British-enacted customary laws. Consequently, challenges arise when the youngest sister asserts her rights over ancestral property, as her elder siblings have no legal recourse to contest her claims, leading to external intrusion for personal gain.
Over time, the authority of maternal uncles has been marginalised, with youngest sisters gaining significant economic influence over family affairs. Many maternal uncles have been demoralised, coerced into menial tasks by their youngest sisters, or exploited for resources by their husbands. Some maternal uncles have redirected their resources and authority toward their own families, while others have become disillusioned, resorting to antisocial behaviour.
Despite the continued existence of the matrilineal system, men have limited involvement in their wives’ and children’s clan affairs, leaving family and clan matters primarily in the hands of women. However, certain men command respect and reliability from both family segments, leveraging their moral and intellectual strength. Similarly, women demonstrate emotional resilience in nurturing their children and supporting their husbands while contributing to the family income.
It is imperative for both men and women to strike a balance between strength and independence. Overindulgence in either freedom or liberty can strain relationships and communal bonds. True freedom entails exercising conscience and responsibility, while unrestrained liberty risks societal decay. Therefore, collaboration between men and women is essential for the betterment of family and society.
THE IMPACT OF MEDIA PROPAGANDA ON KHASI SOCIETY
The pervasive influence of media, particularly social media, in shaping public opinion has become a significant concern, with opportunistic elements using it to project distorted images of societies, including the Khasi community. Pressure groups and social activists, under the guise of social concern, engage in moral policing and ethnic conservation, often promoting self-imposed agendas that may not accurately reflect ground realities.
Female-centric organisations, advocating for women’s rights, often level allegations against the system, as do male-centric groups advocating for men’s rights. Both groups generate mass sentiments and public support without fully considering the underlying social problems. One such issue in Khasi society is the imbalance in male-female marriage ratios with other communities, driven by economic advantages and social security offered by men from outside communities to Khasi women.
In contrast to the liberal attitudes of many Khasi women, other communities, including Marwaris, Sindhis, Bengalis, Biharis, and others from the mainland, tend to be conservative and protective of their women, preferring intra-community marriages regardless of social or economic status. Similarly, other indigenous communities in Meghalaya and the broader North East region uphold strict norms against inter-community marriages.
The disparity arises from the fact that while neighbouring communities adhere to patriarchal family lineages, the Khasi and Garo communities follow the matrilineal system. Consequently, there is pressure from surrounding communities, as well as from within the Khasi community itself, to adopt patriarchal norms.
Despite these pressures, the matrilineal system has endured, akin to an oasis in a desert, resilient against the tidal waves of patriarchal influence. However, there are social groups and influential elites within the Khasi community advocating for the patriarchal system, potentially overlooking its consequences. Yet, the matrilineal system persists, serving as a beacon of tradition and identity amidst evolving social landscapes.
THE EVERLASTING WISDOM OF ANCESTRAL GUIDANCE
The ancient wisdom imparted by our ancestors, often through maternal counsel at home, serves as a beacon of enlightenment for humanity. Understanding life as a collective duty, embracing awareness, alertness, and adeptness in history and humanity are paramount. The reverence for the past and the respect for old age should be ingrained in the knowledge system of each generation, passed down to posterity.
The nourishment of youth should be sourced from the wisdom of the elderly, with the learning process encompassing both past and present. A profound understanding of history provides clarity in the present and foresight for the future, offering hope and happiness for society and mankind.
It is incumbent upon elders to nurture the young minds with a deep understanding of the past, empowering them to shape the future wisely. Myths, legends, and parables should inspire practical applications in contemporary situations, while history serves as a guide for sensible actions in the present. Arts, sciences, and literature must flourish, guiding the youth towards a brighter future.
However, the current state is concerning, with frailty among the old and fragility among the young. The allure of superficial lifestyles leads to misery and agony, overshadowing the essence of sacrifice, tolerance, and conscience. Momentary pleasures, materialism, addiction, and various abuses tarnish the fabric of real life.
The notion of survival of the fittest is flawed when privilege discriminates against the poor, corruption thrives through unfair means, women abandon hearth for the harsh world, men succumb to insecurity, and morality dwindles among the elderly. Youth often overlook the wisdom of the elderly, while society grapples with rapid progress devoid of tolerance and perseverance.
In the pursuit of instant gratification, society embraces fast-paced lifestyles, neglecting the depth of older wisdom. It’s imperative to rekindle the flame of ancestral guidance, embracing patience, virtue, and maturity amidst the frenzy of modernity. Only then can we truly savor the richness of life and pave the way for a more meaningful existence.
In today’s fast-paced world, technology inundated us with information, leaving little time for reflection on the past, present, or future. Time, the essence of nurturing relationships, earning trust and respect, and personal growth, seems scarce amidst the hustle and bustle of modern life. In bygone eras, young men would traverse villages in search of an ideal match, taking the time to build relationships based on trust, faithfulness, and love. These bonds were strong and enduring, rooted in mutual understanding and affection.
However, contemporary society prioritises economic success over interpersonal connections, leading to a lack of time for nurturing relationships. Trust and faithfulness are replaced by doubt and suspicion, and relationships become transactional, serving individual interests rather than fostering genuine connections.
This hurried lifestyle extends to interactions with children and the elderly, where moments of joy are overshadowed by neglect during times of sickness and suffering. In contrast, previous generations devoted ample time to care for their children and elderly relatives, cherishing their presence and nurturing familial bonds.
Moreover, extramarital affairs have become a prevalent issue, despite societal norms condemning such behaviour. While some individuals exercise self-restraint out of personal conscience or fear of social stigma, many engage in discreet romantic involvement outside of marriage.
