Editor,
For many, the main title may sound like a catchy line from a movie. But what I mean here is not cinematic. Rather, it is emotional and psychological, and perhaps, in some ways, spiritual too. I write this out of deep concern, and while parts of this writing are based on my own personal psychological experiences, many others may relate to it as well. I do not write this to seek validation. Instead, I write to create awareness; especially for those who still believe life is fair and that everything works fine, when for the majority of us, it does not.
First of all, humans till date are known to be the only beings with consciousness. Yet, there is no guarantee that this consciousness ensures safety, security, or happiness. There is nothing to suggest that life will turn out fine and comfortable, where freedom becomes final and happiness becomes a “promised land.” In fact, we often find ourselves entangled in our own quest for ultimate happiness, freedom, and perhaps redemption. Just why? Because life itself is unbearable.
Life numbs us to the point that we start questioning our own existence: where did it go wrong? It may have started well, but why this now? Some go further to philosophically question their own existence, arguing that they did not consent to be born into this world to inherently suffer, often without meaning or a clear purpose.
Some friends I know want to finally get married to avoid the “void” in their life. I congratulate them. However, reality itself is indifferent. So the real question becomes, after getting married or finally securing a dream job at some office, does that truly solve the hollowness that life does not actually care to fill up?
Speaking of these incurable existential questions, I myself am aware of my own being and have come to see that sometimes life itself does not seem to realise that I exist too. Yes, I was brought up in a humble, cheerful, and hardworking middle-class family. My siblings and I are educated. I managed to obtain two bachelor’s degrees and one master’s degree. Even then, the question remains, what was all this for? To be frank, it does create a sense of security. But despite that, it still feels hollow when the sun sets. At times, it feels childishly “beating the air.” Why? I believe we all know the answer: traumatic experiences. And after everything we manage to overcome and finally settle, we are left asking : are we still the same person we were at the start?
Here, I do not patronise myself, nor do I support nihilism or absurdism when I write all this. Rather, this is simply an opinion meant for those who are seekers who are trying to make sense of what is actually going on in life at its most realistic level, free from societal expectations or religious obligations. (Here, I do not mean faith itself, but the pressure to accept fixed religious answers that often undermine important theological views on suffering.)
Many people suggest doing this or doing that to help life settle in a good way. But is that not the same path followed by everyone in the family, or in society as a whole? Is there any guarantee that these “manufactured narratives” will work the same way for me, for him, or for her? After all, is their life mine, or is my life theirs? Most of the people I know, even the most educated among them, still follow this same pattern of thinking. That is why I often end such conversations by saying, “Just be me for one week, then you will know.” That may sound harsh. But because of these ready-made ways of thinking, the path to empathy and careful understanding often begins to fade away.
Those of us who have lived long enough with existential dread are not clinically depressed. That is the one thing to begin with. At the same time, we are neither thinkers nor philosophers of any sort. We are simply aware of our own frailty and mortality. Because of this awareness, we refuse to accept socially manufactured thoughts, and we avoid everyday engagements that add nothing to our already fragile being. We are not people to be ridiculed when we fail to process instant replies to sensitive comments. Are we existential rebels? Relatively, yes. Are we suicidal? No. Instead, we simply experience life differently from others. Does that make us incapable of living as members of society? Absolutely not. In fact, we are part and parcel of society. We are not strangers to it, nor to how it works. More importantly, we do care about the people we come across. We only refuse to accept certain patterns, because our minds are not wired to carry such heavy societal expectations. Otherwise, we would risk the weight of being on our fragility – as it always has been.
Finally, this writing does not claim to answer every question faced by those with identity crises or psychological vulnerabilities. It is only a reminder that they are not alone. At the same time, it is directed at those who live comfortable lives yet carry a judgmental attitude toward people who think and live differently. As said, we are humans too. And like everyone else, we deserve the same treatment and empathy while trying to make sense of life on this small, floating, blue planet called Earth; whom we fondly refer to as home.
Sunrise Pohtam
Via e-mail
